"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work". Thomas Edison

This is really amazing to me because the last time I blogged was back in 2009. It's safe to say that I was in some type of transitioning period and probably didn't think I would take a four year break from blogging. Things have a way of coming back into your life. Have you ever taken a step back and noticed any patterns about yourself? Did your taste buds change a bit? Your taste in clothes may have matured with age but the way you think or make decisions maybe didn't change at all. That may or may not be a good thing but it could be true. Over the years my life has gone through so many changes. Life has taught me so much. The things I have experienced have been priceless. I wouldn't change a thing, I have no regrets. There's a quote I came across late last night or early this morning by Thomas Edison "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work". I felt like this quote is the story of my life. It's brilliant and true in so many ways. This is life! Try something, if it doesn't work, go to plan B. It's really that simple. For many years I've had an interest in reading and writing about relationships. I have had my share of good and bad relationships. With me knowing what I know now, I find it hard to believe that I am not suppose to share my stories and help other women who may be going through some of the same things. I think about the many times that the most divine presence stepped in and warned me but my ego didn't listen. We have the gift of intuition and it is an amazing gift to have. It's within all of us, all we have to do is listen to it....that it! So here I am now, a life coach that likes to assist women with solving their relationships issues. I like helping women realize the mistakes they've been making, assisting them in seeing how they can overcome them and move forward toward an honest and deserving relationship with that special person that will honor and respect them. We also put things into perspective and if it's time to walk away from a current relationship, then pack your bags and go but do so without becoming a bag lady. It's time to release the negative thinking and feelings tied to the past. Now that you know 10,000 ways that won't work, you should be confident in what you do know. It's a new year! Let's start living our best life NOW!!!!!

What Do You Stand For?

So many things cross my mind everyday and I sometimes wonder what it is that I stand for. This may sound like a crazy question but before you Scooby Doo me, ask yourself the same thing. Things are constantly happening around us, I recently heard that Atlanta ranks second in the nation with its crime rate. How many of us are turning the other cheek because we think it doesn't affect us. The fugitive lists are long, are these people really that hard to find or is everybody is too busy to look twice at the people around them. Oh, maybe you stand for not being labeled a "snitch". As Fred Sanford would say "you big dummy"! Keep falling for it if you want too.


The question again is, what do you stand for? The videos that are played on t.v. that give young girls, teenagers and even grown women the wrong idea of what a real woman is, what she should look like, and subconsciously limits the things women can become. Do we stand for only entertainers, and booty shakers? Are our men (especially black men) afraid to be themselves because we think the only thing a man can become is a ball player, rapper, or just a hood figure? What have we become as a people?

Because I am blessed to have a job, does that entitle my employer to do, and say what he/she wants because they feel that I can't do any better because of this recession thing? What do you stand for when it comes to respect? How do you stand up for yourself, the people around you, your community?

People that stand for something don't fall for anything, they don't go for anything. When you take a stand you may find that things and people aren't always what they seem. When you stand for something the world looks different. You see more opportunities, you put yourself in the position for great things to happen. Back in the day, civil rights leaders and ordinary people stood for something. The village raised the kids. The kids are now our parents and/or grandparents. They are the reason we have choices today. If you think about it, we really don't have a choice but to do better for the next generation.

I challenge everyone today to stand for something. Even if its pressing the issue of getting better customer service at the grocery store. Let someone know they could be better at what they do and you deserve to be treated better in the process. Give people the respect they deserve and teach them how to respect you in return. Some simply don't know.

Remember stand for something or fall for anything.

I welcome comments @ freshholmes@yahoo.com

About Mothers Day

We celebrated Mothers Day Sunday, May 10. I am sure that women who not only have kids in their lives but men as well are deserving of more than just one day. Women contribute so much to this world for many people on a daily basis. Mothers are nurturing by nature, which means we care even when we shouldn't. If it were up to me, we would celebrate Mothers Day once a week! Every Friday mothers would have the day off and flowers delivered to them along with a spa gift certificate and have breakfast, lunch, and dinner catered to them.

We appreciate the creative things our kids come up with and beautiful bouquet of different color roses we often receive on this day however Mothers day flowers are most often remembered when they are given on regular days just to say thank you for all that we do everyday. Mothers are on the clock 24/7. We don't have any days off, no personal days, and sick days are definitely not allowed! So for us to limit ourselves to just one day(officially) to show mothers they are appreciated is kinda crazy.

Here is something to think about, most of the time when you make a woman happy (especially a mother)your day or even your life will be just a little better. It is a wise idea to pick up the phone every now and then or even check out 1800flowers to see how much nicer you can make someones day. Everybody likes to be appreciated outside of the obvious days because it's not expected. We also love surprises so when you order flowers, switch it up a bit, buy something other than roses.

What's It To You?

Just be happy for me!

It is truly amazing to me how people think. We as a society have gotten so comfortable with everything that is considered "normal". Our way of thinking is so traditional, that anything else is viewed as stupid, weird, crazy, or any other demeaning word used, simply describes the person that thinks it as being simple minded.

I am annoyed (not upset) at some of the responses only because I thought that when you tell someone something good, they would just be happy for you. Never thought that the details of my happiness should or would determine how happy they would be for me. It has lead me to wonder, either some don't believe in what I do or some think that if I'm not getting paid for it then I'm not that good at what I do, but if I am getting paid for it they are surprised. Just think, if you won the lottery, wouldn't you think that people would be happy for you simply because you won? The amount shouldn't determine how happy others would be for you.

I want to explain some things. I understand that to many people writing is something that is never thought about. Writing is one of those things that you know people do, because everything single thing you read, somebody wrote it. From the ingredients on food boxes to magazine articles. I guess nobody stopped to think that the person behind writing everything you read may have gotten paid for it or maybe they didn't but, its what they wanted to do so with that being said, what's it to you?

I am fascinated by the way people process information. I want to give some of you something to think about. My goal is to be self-employed. I have had to clean an apartment for free in order to get a contract with a company. Once I got the contract, I understood that the way I continued to do business, as far as my work ethic and attitude, would determine how long my contract lasted and the potential I would have with others in the business, because word of mouth is a form of marketing. The type of marketing you do depends on your business, however, every business requires clientele. People will talk about you if your work or product is good or bad. The good word of mouth is the type of free marketing that has big returns. Sometimes giving something free along with a pleasing personality, and positive thinking goes a very long way. People will do business with those they believe in and can trust. It's also obvious when people do things just for the money. There is nothing wrong with getting paid for what you do, but when you actually like and take pride in what you do it makes a huge difference and it shows.

There is a saying,"Do what you love and never work another day in your life". Maybe I am one of those rare people who believe that if your heart is in what you do, getting paid for it is a bonus. Its like the ultimate compliment. Imagine, for a minute, about how great your life would be if you did what you loved and were compensated well for it, especially if it's something you would do for free.

My sixth grade math teacher used to tell us everyday at the end of class "remember, if you can't say anything good, don't say nothing. For those of you who are thinking that I should just keep it to myself, maybe you are right, or maybe it wouldn't kill you to just be happy for someone else for once. You see, I know it's impossible to please a crowd. I think apart of me lives in a world where people are just happier. I've also learned over time that you have to be a strong minded person or you'll crumble when people around you become negative.

This time I'm not interested in your thoughts and comments. Thanks for reading!

Open Your Heart and Mind

There is no question as to whether or not things will get hard in our lives at some point. Sometimes we will have to make decisions that aren't exactly right but its the best we know to do at that time. Things will happen or have happened in our lives that we never thought possible, good and bad. When the bad things happen to you or someone else don't ever think negatively or be quick to judge because it could have been you. Be thankful it wasn't you then live by the "golden rule" treat them the way you would want to be treated.

Its easier said than done but try not to let these tough times get the best of you. People can be cruel and closed minded about things because they haven't experienced certain things or they have become bitter. If you are either one of those people, I pray that somehow you will change this way about yourself, if not I pray that things change dramatically for you and you are able to help someone in return.

Funny how people are quick to judge you based on things you've done or decisions you've made without knowing the situation behind it. I am one of those that don't have to know. Just knowing a drastic decision was made tells me that there was a serious situation behind it. Its common sense to me but then common sense aint so common.

Hopefully, we will all reach a point where we are confident in ourselves to where we don't care about what someone else thinks of us when it comes to doing what we have to do. People will always have something to say no matter what so for that I say don't worry about it.

When you've done your best......... don't worry about it!
When they say things that aren't true...........don't worry about it!
When you KNOW what you KNOW, don't try to prove yourself to anybody............don't worry about it!
You can either have control over your life or let life control you.
Say the serenity prayer and don't worry about it!

If you pray don't worry but if you're going to worry don't pray. Simple as that

Not What You Expected

Just because it didn't come as expected doesn't mean its not what you wanted

People, be mindful that the opportunity of a lifetime may present itself in an unusual and strange way. Always keep an open mind and remember the saying: There is more than one way to skin a cat. Don't let something great pass you by being simple minded and ignorant.

There may be something or some things that you want to happen in your life but you are too stuck in your way of thinking to see it coming to you. When praying for the things that you want, be sure to ask God to open your mind up to accept it in an unusual way simply because you just never know how an opportunity will present itself.

send comments to freshholmes@yahoo.com

Should Women Pursue Men?

How should this be done

A series of events lead me to wonder if men like to be pursued by women. Before I go any further remember we are in the year 2009. Almost nothing is traditional anymore. I had conversations with friends about this and actually asked a few guys their opinion. I was very surprised at the response.

This is one of those topics that can be debatable for women because so many of us have gotten relaxed at the thought and the habit of men approaching us. We have figured out how we like to be approach, what this guy should say and/or do to get our attention. We even know how we want guys to look at us. We've grown accustom to thinking all we have to do is look pretty and they will come.

I am proud to say that I will be thirty soon and very proud of it because of all the things that I have learned in my life. I would not rather be younger nor do I wish to be anything like anyone else. I think I have fallen in love with myself. This love for myself has also brought on direction in different areas of my life. I now know what it is that I want, especially in a relationship. So I have to be willing to sometimes go after a man that may be what I am looking for.

So back to the question. Should women pursue men? I think the answer is yes. I would also say that there is an art to it. Men are rarely approached by women and surely don't get the flowers or the chocolates that we look forward to. As mentioned before, I did question a few men and their first two answers were the same. They all like the idea of women showing their interest. It tells them that woman is confident and confidence is sexy to a man. The question was how did they want to be approached or what could a woman do to turn them on initially. The response was " I don't know". This was very surprising because they realized this was something they had never given thought to. These guys were clueless. They had never been asked this question before.

From all the information I gathered I realized there is an art to this. We do know that all men aren't the same so the approach has to be different. There are a couple rules that are the same no matter what. The first one is you don't just walk up to a guy and say let me get your number or whats up for the night. A guy does not want to be man handled! Although it feels good to flip the script sometimes so they can see how it feels. Initial contact is not the time for that. Save it for when he has earned it. The second is be sexy without being sexual. There is a difference.

We know the ratio of women to men (in Atlanta) is like 20:1 or something like that, so just think even with those numbers, how many don't work out and the many ways you can set yourself apart from other women. Bottom line is to not be afraid to make the first move or the second but leave the third up to him and if you aren't quite there yet with the approach then just give him the eye (without being stalkerish) til he notices and be approachable. Compliment him and show genuine interest. Somehow it will all come together if its suppose to.

Comments, suggestions, questions? Shoot me an email freshholmes@yahoo.com